Hello Muddah, hello Fadduh.
Here I am at Camp Granada.
Camp is very entertaining;
And they say we'll have some fun if it stops raining.
I went hiking with Joe Spivey;
He developed poison ivy.
You remember Leonard Skinner;
He got ptomaine poisoning last night after dinner.
All the counselors hate the waiters;
And the lake has alligators.
And the head coach wants no sissies,
So he reads to us from something called "Ulysses."
Now I don't want this should scare ya,
But my bunkmate has malaria.
You remember Jeffrey Hardy;
They're about to organize a searching party.
Take me home, oh Muddah, Fadduh,
Take me home, I hate Granada.
Don't leave me out in the forest where
I might get eaten by a bear.
Take me home, I promise I will not make noise,
Or mess the house with other boys.
Oh please don't make me stay;
I've been here one whole day.
Dearest Fadduh, darling Muddah,
How's my precious little bruddah?
Let me come home if you miss me;
I would even let Aunt Bertha hug and kiss me.
Wait a minute--it stopped hailing;
Guys are swimming, guys are sailing-
Gee, dat's better!
Muddah, Fadduh, kindly disregard this letter!